Burglar Lee Gadsby suffered two inconveniences in Nottingham recently - he lost his mobile phone and was then arrested for burglary. The two events are extremely well related, thanks to the not-great Gadsby dropping his mobile at the scene of a burglary he was doing, only for police to recover the handset and identify its owner from the photos on it. The photos of Lee.
"If you are going to burgle and take your mobile phone with your photo on it, it doesn't take Poirot to work out who did the burglary" said Judge Michael Stokes QC. This is quite fortunate seeing as Poirot is a fictional character created by someone who's dead so wouldn't have been able to offer any meaningful assistance in the case anyway.
DON'T LIST: And don't take your laptop to the pub if you're planning on having more than seven or eight [Image credit: The Telegraph]
We are unsure what make and model of phone it was, although the resolution suggests something entry-level from Nokia in the mid-2000s. He probably nicked that, too.
Hewlett Packard - tough, northern, not wearing a coat
HP has found a clever way to keep its data centre servers cold - site them in the north-east of England. The company's recently completed Wynyard data facility, which is conveniently located equidistant between Hartlepool and Sunderland, may be a PR disaster for the north-east region, but it's an "eco" win for HP - which claims it'll save millions every year from cheaper cooling costs thanks to the cold, windswept nature of Wynyard.
COLD CHIPS: Blowing on them actually works
According to PC World, the site is ideal thanks to the outside temperature in blustery Wynyard only rising above 24 degrees for around 20 hours a year, so the outside air simply has to be wafted in with some big fans. There's a backup air conditioning system to cover Wynyard's rare 20-hour heatwave.
Chicken-flavoured meaty chunks AGAIN :(
Japanese mobile company Index Corp has revealed plans to bring a dog translation device to the iPhone, with the BowLingual dog bark interpretation tool set to arrive this summer.
WOOF WOOF SNIFFLE: It's currently following Stephen Fry, Charlie Brooker and Ashton Kutcher, even though it doesn't really know who Ashton Kutcher is
Better, or perhaps worse still, the iPhone version of the translator will feature built-in Twitter support, letting your dog, should your dog be trusted with your iPhone or have an iPhone contract all of its own, upload its own tweets. The tweets of a dog won't be very interesting, though - it has the same thing for dinner every single day.
This is a generic request for attention
A woman was overjoyed to find the relationship get-out excuse she'd been looking for, in the form of pre-loaded "sexy text" messages supplied on her Canadian partner's mobile phone. The phone's owner, known as "Darren P", was supposedly dumped by his partner after she found pre-installed "sexy" message templates on his Samsung mobile, messages such as "Booty call" and "Be there soon" she assumed to be genuine proof of his cheating.
Mr P took his Virgin Mobile-supplied handset to a local phone shop, wherein the staff members pretended to be shocked that the messages were also pre-loaded on all similar Samsung models. Darren's asking for the phones to be recalled, to save other men from getting dumped by women who've been looking for an excuse for months.
I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH: "And the photo of my genitals was just me testing the macro mode" [Image credit: AVING]
Liked this? Then check out Modern Warfare 2: Buy this sick filth!
Sign up for TechRadar's free Weird Week in Tech newsletter Get the oddest tech stories of the week, plus the most popular news and reviews delivered straight to your inbox. Sign up at http://www.techradar.com/register